Thursday, October 04, 2007

Sweeeeeeeeetieeeeeee!

In the year I have been writing this blog Joe has never suggested a blog post, until today. We were driving to Massachusettes where I'm going to be presenting the next couple of days and Joe said, on a particularly long and boring stretch of freeway, "Aren't you going to write a post on what happened at the airport?"

I was taken aback, "What?"

"You know, the woman at the airport."

"What woman at the airport?" I had no idea what he was talking about.

Then he raised his voice and said, "Sweeeeeeetieeeeeee!"

I immediately knew what he was talking about. We were returning a rental car and I waited by the elevator while Joe went to pay the parking fee for our car. An airport employee saw me sitting alone as she passed by me. We smiled at each other. On her way back I was still waiting but now I could see Joe coming down the walkway. She approached me and said, in a tone reserved for children ...

"Sweeeeeetieeee, are you lost. Do you need me to get someone to help you?"

By the look on my face she knew that I didn't need help and then she saw Joe and said, "Oh, good you're here." Then she left.

That was it. That's the incident that Joe wondered if I was going to write about. But, in fact, until he reminded me about it, I'd forgotten it. Now, this is weird because when I first became disabled, patronizing remarks sent me around the bend. I know I've blogged about this kind of thing before. But now, nothing. I didn't even spend much time thinking about it. It annoyed me, it was over.

Part of it was my mood that day, I'm sure. I was in the kind of zone that she'd have had to slap me to get me really riled. But also because, I hate to say this, I'm getting used to that kind of interaction. It doesn't happen daily, or even weekly, but it happens enough to become ordinary. I just don't have the will the be angry all the time. Maybe, too, I no longer find the intent malicious but the result of silly ideas about disability. Maybe, three, I no longer find it my duty to educate each and every person who acts like that.

Does this mean I'm losing my bite? My verve?

I don't think so.

I just took on a huge hotel chain and emerged, if not entirely victorious, respected. I bore down into that fight because I didn't want what happened to me to happen to another with a disability. So, the fights still in me.

I guess.

Perhaps all of us start picking our battles. I remember one mom with a boy with cerebral palsy saying much the same to me. She had to let slide things after awhile or she'd end up giving up because the battle was on all sides. She, too, decided to figure out what was important and go to work.

I'm worried though, because once I thought that everyday put downs was a battle worth fighting. Each and every time. Now I didn't even remember a particularly egregious example.

Maybe it depends on the day. My mood. And how much fight I've got left in me in that moment.


Don't know.

11 comments:

Casdok said...

I know that feeling!

Anonymous said...

Dave, sweeeetieeeee, can you email me when you see this - please! ;-) My agent is chomping at the bit for the print-run number.

Kei said...

You're coming to Massachusetts? Sweeeeeeeeet! Eastern or Western? I had to go back to read the whole post once I calmed down because you're gonna be in my state!!

Dave Hingsburger said...

kei, right now I'm in marlboro and I speak here tomorrow for the day. Are you anywhere near here, love to have a tea with you!

Debra said...

I like what a friend of mine says when I am having a time with something that is either said or done She always says "you have to chose which hills to die on" I like that way of thinking. Thanks for the post.

Kei said...

Dave, we're about 2hrs from there and I have a ton of paperwork to do tomorrow. If you are ever in the Western Mass area though, you're on!

Andrea Shettle, MSW said...

Do say if you're ever further down in the Washington DC area :-)

--Andrea
wecando.wordpress.com
reunifygally.wordpress.com

All 4 My Gals said...

Maybe she was digging you. :) I only say that because I had to chastise Kei for not having tea with you. You ARE my hero! Hugs SWEETIE, I think it's called self preservation! HUGS, hey are KY or OH, on your agenda? Or IN or TN? Okay, nevermind, I'm on my way to Massachusetts! LOL I've wanting to meet Kei for years anyhow.

All 4 My Gals said...

Oh that should have been Sweeeeeeeetieeeeee!

Kei said...

Hey Nic, wouldn't it be great if Dave came to Boston to speak next year for the National Down syndrome Congress conference?

You'd be one of the most popular speakers there Dave~ I know you'd make a large group of us very very happy, especially if you agreed to let us buy you and Joe dinner!

Right Nic?

Shaunery said...

Wow, kinda makes you want to get a roll of stickers for people like that. Kinda like Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign". Perhaps the woman thought your brains where in the same place as her's....in her arse and because you were sitting.....hmmmmmm.